So here's memories re-worded Belated journal entries burning Holes into this paper, like when they fell out of my head The devil on my shoulder made the climb up to my head Dangles signals off the threshold, makes to push them off the edge So I hold this page out like a hammock, meant to catch my withered past Every night I soaked my sorrows, I now worry, I won't get those sorrows back (did you throw out the good with the bad?) I pause just to remember, straining harder as they fall Burn a hole straight through the paper, I haven't wrote a word at all For your face it still is haunting, but your words I can't recall They're falling further down below it, burning holes straight through the floor I stare down into that darkness, just to see what I can learn From hazy summers years behind me, or the chilly grasp of fall They glide now down the staircase, purloin my shrinking soul If your past does not define you, is there anything at all that can give meaning from the madness, as you grow grayer in the cold Everyday, as it passes, you just watch yourself grow old Training daily for your coffin, another night I won't remember Even though you've long forgotten growing warmer in December

Drink up buttercup, it's fine Put your hand back in mine What's real? Grab the blanket from my side Put your hands in my mind What's real? Your face? What's real? My body? Drink up buttercup, it's fine And put your hands back in mine Make your peace with passing time And laugh so hard you spill the wine What's real? What's wrong? It's not real, baby, what's wrong? So I took my pills, I'm feeling fine Had a drink to ease my mind I'll have a smoke when this sex is through Till I can hide myself back in you So come on, sit in my lap Let's make some noise, let's have a laugh when awkward movements feel so nice While we're forming life deep inside Let's fuck to build another slave A body cast into a grave A mind that waits to be erased It's fine, let's kill some time Are you okay?

Been feeling kind of strange lately Like a knife inside of my brain, haze me And when I try to cry, bullets fly from my eyes And my vision sees red paintings, and apple of my eye When you seem dead inside, it's people like him holding that knife But I've come to pay respects To make a sculpture of his head So he can never lay in bed Without the angel of death at his neck Because I have seen your restless eyes I held them deep inside I swallowed all I could To pull the poison from your mind And now it's living in my skin And it oozes from within And it will never leave my mind Will she ever be alright? Well you'd better hope one day she is Because I googled where you live So you'd better hear me when I say You'd better hope you'd better pray You'd better beg for her forgiveness Before I take that chance away Because last night I drove to your house You were sleeping, quiet as a mouse While she was still awake, taking drugs to numb the pain You were peaceful, just the same Did it ever cross your brain? That you made her not okay That you took away her brave, well I have only this to say: If I ever see your face again, I'll drive this knife blade through your head Carve "RAPIST" where it rests And drag your body to the police station to turn myself in

You move in my mind like a flower petal blown by silky brushstrokes of the wind and traced in glittering starlight Your amber eyes shine inside me in sacred spaces that hold the memory of your face when you looked at me like you had found something precious and secret that the world knew not of yet And I know my face betrayed the same desperate adoration for you when my smile lines curved into calligraphy, writing poems to you in a language not yet known Under sheets when I awoke to your face Near mine and showered in bliss, with your arms wrapped tight around me like a treasure, to be held so precious in the sight of a living, breathing monument to all the beautiful things in the world: You I see art in all that you do I am inspired by the laugh lines on your face when you twisted the sheets and turned me over to trace your fingers over silly bits of skin that make us collapse into fits of blissful laughter, wrapped around each other, like when little shifts of expression and position and soft kisses made our hearts to beat faster I am like the first human who ventured from the land and set their eyes upon the movements of the diamond see in twilight In similar ways you dance within me Oh place your hands upon me, you divine creature, your silly laughter and soft moans and thoughtful tones set my veins ablaze with ache Sever any part within me that has caused you pain I am humble as a slave So I will slave Slave away like a sculptor, trying desperately to pull the right words from within my brain, to let you see even a glimpse of you as you are, the way you are planted at the center of my every hazy daydream If my mind's an art gallery, the entrance would read your name The rooms for every moment, where the memories replay And I study your movements there to remind myself there is kindness and beauty in this world and it has a name I see smooth shadows made perfect when they cast upon your skin, I wasn't sure I'd ever seen anything sacred until my eyes took you in There was a moment there, alone and naked, I knew I'd be cursed to worship you forever My mind was jumble of all the glowing vibrant hues of vocabulary I could possibly use to describe you, and I knew, from that moment on, you would always be there stirring those words within me Until death do I depart, you will haunt me like sin But if my mind is a haunted house, I would never try to get out If one night I fell asleep and didn't ever wake up, and fell through my mattress and sheets and found myself in one of those halls of memory, in which I was driving down an endless road while I could feel your fingers drifting sweetly through my hair and your eyes on me when I wasn't looking What better place to go once my body goes cold, than to fall inside your amber eyes and call that place my home? Do you feel vacant? When I see your suffering it cuts me like a knife and bleeds the shared pain from my eyes, I shudder to think of all the ways the world has twisted up your eyes and tried to crush the sweetness from my love, my life, The most holy breathing artwork I have ever been so blessed to be enchanted by You may feel vacant, but you are not vagrant As long as there is breath within me, you will have a home inside my mind where I will hold you sweetly until I die